The parent I always thought I would be and the parent that I am.
When your little and you dream of getting married and having children, all the visions of having that family is perfect. Then you actually get pregnant and your ideals change just a little you imagine having an easy, little baby, that is all cute smiles and giggles who listens so intently to what you say.
Then you end up in labor in the hospital and it is nothing like what you imagined. The baby comes out and he may be cute, usually their heads are all squished and they look like an alien.
They usually behave really well in the hospital, I know for me R was a perfect little angel, he barely cried, I fed him every 3 hours, and he slept. So then I still had a little hope that he was a perfect little baby, until I got him home, then he actually started to show his true colors, waking up and puking everywhere, and stinky diapers, and he didn’t sleep more than 2 hours at a time, this is what we should have been expecting all along. So now throw a baby in with my hubby’s work schedule, so here I am after 47 hours of labor and a c section and I am so tired I can barely get up off the couch, and hubby is at work, and is going to be there for at least the first 3 weeks I had R, so all in all by the end of the first 6 months, I am still as tired as if I just had a baby, and they don’t tell you about the resentment you will feel toward a spouse that is never there.
I always thought I would be a good parent, I would be one of those people who takes her child into the mall and he is happy to just sit in the stroller and watch me shop, you would never see him throw a tantrum, and every one would comment about what a good parent you are. When in reality this is what happens, you take him to the mall
Expect him to play quietly in his stroller and instead he is throwing the toys on the floor and screaming because he wants to get out, when you go to the grocery store and he’s taking boxes off the shelf and chewing through them and dumping contents on the floor.
I also never imagined being one of those parents that goes out and strikes up a conversation with some random person at the store either, but that’s exactly what I do, and for some reason I have no idea why.
What you dream parenting will be like and what it is actually are two different things, you get dirty diapers, spit up, poop on your floor, and toys everywhere that your constantly stepping on, they don’t just play quietly either. They are climbing on things and taking the dishes out of your dishwasher and emptying the contents of your garbage, and before you know it those 3 hours of cleaning you just did need to be repeated, you have a mountain of laundry that doesn’t get done very often and the clean laundry usually sits in the middle of the floor.
Things only get worse as your kids get older, they start throwing things down the stairs and breaking things, and they’re knocking your picture frames off your wall, trying to flush the toys down the toilet because it looks like a fun receptacle, and my favorite taking all your vent covers off your vents so they can dump their soother/pacifiers down there, you start potty training and their aim is horrible and they learn how to aim it just right so it goes all down your wall, the worst of all they don’t listen to anything you say they just look at you like your some kind of crazy woman, that talks just for her own enjoyment
I wouldn’t change being a parent for anything, no matter how much I think I want to. The exhaustion and everything else that goes along with it, is just apart of the experience, I have had it a little bit harder than most parents, but a little easier than some parents, I have had the financial security some parents don’t have, but also don’t have the support others have, and no one to celebrate the milestones with either. I just take the frustrations one day at a time and hope I’m still alive to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I know the fun is just beginning we haven’t even hit the terrible twos yet.